Funeral Wake Planning: A Comprehensive Guide

A funeral wake, also known as a visitation or gathering, is an important part of the grieving process. It provides an opportunity for family and friends to come together to honor and remember the deceased, share stories, offer support, and celebrate their life. Planning a wake involves many considerations, from selecting a venue to organizing the details that will make the event meaningful and comforting for those attending. This guide covers the essential aspects of planning a funeral wake, offering helpful ideas and tips to ensure a respectful and memorable event.

Understanding the Purpose of a Wake

A wake traditionally serves as a time for mourners to pay their respects, offer condolences, and support the bereaved family. Unlike the more formal funeral service, which often follows a structured order, a wake tends to be more informal and flexible, allowing people to come and go as they please. The atmosphere can range from solemn and reflective to more celebratory, depending on the wishes of the family and the personality of the deceased.

Key Elements of Wake Planning

Planning a wake involves several key elements that need careful consideration to ensure it meets the needs and expectations of the family and attendees.

1. Choosing the Venue

The first step in planning a wake is selecting an appropriate venue. Some common options include:

Family Home: Holding the wake at a family home provides a more intimate and personal setting. It allows for flexibility and comfort, particularly for those who prefer a private and familiar environment.
Funeral Home: Many families choose to hold the wake at a funeral home, especially if the funeral service will also take place there. Funeral homes are well-equipped for such events and often provide support staff to assist with setup and coordination.
Community Halls or Religious Centers: Community halls, church fellowship halls, or other religious centers can be a good choice if a larger space is needed. These venues may also have facilities for catering and parking, which can be convenient for attendees.
Outdoor Spaces: If the deceased was a nature lover or the family prefers a more relaxed atmosphere, an outdoor venue, such as a park or garden, can be a unique and meaningful option.

When choosing a venue, consider the number of expected attendees, accessibility, parking, facilities, and the overall atmosphere desired for the event.

2. Setting the Date and Time

The timing of the wake is typically arranged in coordination with the funeral service. Wakes are often held the evening before the funeral, but they can also take place a few days before or immediately following the funeral service, depending on the family's preference.

Consider the needs of out-of-town guests when setting the date and time. It may be helpful to provide a range of hours when people can attend to accommodate varying schedules.

3. Creating a Comfortable Atmosphere

The atmosphere of a wake should be welcoming and comfortable for attendees. Here are some considerations for creating a supportive environment:

Seating Arrangements: Ensure there is adequate seating for guests, particularly elderly attendees or those with mobility issues. Consider arranging seating in small clusters to encourage conversation.
Decorations: Decorations should reflect the personality of the deceased and the tone of the event. This could include floral arrangements, candles, photographs, or memorabilia that celebrate the deceased's life and interests.
Lighting: Soft, warm lighting can help create a peaceful and reflective atmosphere. Avoid harsh overhead lighting and consider using lamps or candles to provide a more comforting ambiance.
Background Music: Gentle background music can help set the mood for the wake. Choose music that was meaningful to the deceased or that evokes a sense of calm and reflection.

4. Food and Refreshments

Providing food and refreshments at a wake is a thoughtful way to encourage fellowship and conversation among attendees. The type and amount of food will depend on the duration of the wake and the preferences of the family. Here are some options to consider:

Light Refreshments: Tea, coffee, water, and a selection of light snacks such as finger sandwiches, pastries, or fruit can be a simple and practical option.
Buffet or Catered Meal: For a longer wake or if a meal is desired, consider a buffet-style setup or hiring a caterer. Offering a variety of dishes allows guests to choose according to their preferences and dietary needs.
Potluck: A potluck is a more informal option where guests contribute a dish. This can create a sense of community and participation, especially if attendees bring dishes that have special meaning or were favorites of the deceased.

It is essential to consider dietary restrictions and allergies when planning the menu. Providing a range of options ensures that all guests feel comfortable and cared for.

5. Memorial Displays and Activities

Memorial displays and activities can add a personal touch to the wake, providing opportunities for guests to reflect and share memories. Here are some ideas:

Photo Boards and Slideshows: Create a photo board or digital slideshow featuring pictures of the deceased throughout their life. This visual tribute can serve as a focal point for sharing stories and reminiscing.
Memory Table: Set up a table with meaningful items, such as the deceased's favorite books, hobbies, or awards. This can help guests connect with the deceased's passions and interests.
Memory Book or Cards: Provide a memory book or cards where guests can write down their favorite memories, stories, or messages of comfort. These can be a lasting keepsake for the family.
Tribute Activities: Depending on the deceased’s interests, consider incorporating a meaningful activity. For example, a candle-lighting ceremony, a moment of silence, or sharing stories can be a poignant way to honor the deceased.

6. Incorporating Cultural or Religious Traditions

If the deceased or their family has specific cultural or religious traditions, these should be incorporated into the wake planning. This could involve specific prayers, rituals, or customs that reflect their beliefs and values. It's important to communicate these aspects clearly to attendees to ensure respect and participation.

7. Coordinating with the Funeral Service

The wake should complement the funeral service, providing a more relaxed and informal setting for sharing and support. Coordination between the wake and the funeral service is important to ensure a smooth and cohesive experience for guests. Consider how the two events will flow together, including transportation, timing, and any logistical considerations.

8. Organizing Logistics and Support

Proper logistical planning is essential to ensure the wake runs smoothly:

Guest List and Invitations: Create a guest list and send invitations, whether through phone calls, emails, or a formal announcement. Be sure to include details such as the date, time, venue, and any special instructions.
Support Staff or Volunteers: Depending on the size of the wake, you may need additional support to help with setup, serving food, greeting guests, and other tasks. Enlisting the help of family, friends, or professional staff can make the event more manageable.
Transportation and Parking: Ensure there is ample parking for guests and consider providing transportation options for those who may need assistance getting to the venue.

9. Considering Virtual Options

In today's digital age, offering a virtual option for the wake can be a thoughtful way to include those who cannot attend in person. Setting up a live stream or a virtual meeting platform allows distant family members and friends to participate, share memories, and offer condolences. Be sure to communicate the details of how to join virtually and provide technical support if needed.

Funeral Wake Planning Conclusion

Planning a funeral wake is a deeply personal and meaningful task that requires careful thought and consideration. By focusing on the wishes of the deceased and the needs of the family and guests, you can create a comforting and supportive environment that honors the life of the loved one and provides a space for healing and remembrance. With attention to detail and a personal touch, a well-planned wake can be a powerful part of the grieving process, offering solace, connection, and closure to all who attend.